I make lame titles so yeah...

I am downloading stuffs from the internet and I decided to play with photobooth. :))
I look stupid. well, I am.
These are my photos. :)))

Austin Jieshua's weekend birthday! :)

Four years ago, on the 21st day of May, I was painstakingly enduring a premature labor in Makati Medical Center. I was 8 months pregnant then. That was a week after my false labor in which my OB Gyne told me that my baby might not survive if I deliver it within the month. I was scared to death upon knowing that I was 8cm already when I arrived at the hospital. It was scary for two reasons. One, I don't know if I am indeed ready to be a mother at the tender age of 17 and two, because no one knows if the baby would survive. I was brought to the labor room wherein they injected something somewhere near my spine. I was about to embark in epidural delivery. After 15 hours of wicked labor, I gave birth to a 4.15 pound baby boy. It was 11:12am then. All I my senses could recognize is the cry of a quite noisy baby and the stitches being done to me. It was a normal delivery and I had a normal baby. He was tiny and loud for his size. He was brought closer to me and the moment is just priceless! I don't know why but I suddenly burst out in tears. All the hardships and pain was worth it. 

fresh with his umbilical cord! :)

Past forward to present. I have a young healthy boy (although hospitalized twice. One for pneumonia when he was three weeks old and another for gastroenteritis when he was about a year and a half).

And he's about to enter school as a nursery student. Oh. I have a BIG BOY now! :)

On his actual birthday, we celebrated it at home. Daddy Rob came around lunch to give Jieshua his gift..

that's our good morning look. :)

gifts from daddy!

Make a wish!

On the following day, we spent the night playing at Tom's World and eating at Jack's Loft.

yeah baby! Lottery winners! 200+ tickets. 

Jack's Loft!

Warm Choco something? :)

happy birthday love! :*

eat some more!

Our baby with batman! 

Day 14 | Bad habits and burdens

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into but hard to get out of.

-Proverbs

I guess this one is hard. We are usually unaware of our habits especially the bad ones. But in this case, I'll try really really hard to think of those. Hmm.


So, the first one that got into my head is that I tend to correct people's grammar. I'm not that intelligent or something but I study English and Linguistics so I may have a little knowledge about that especially the basics. I know that this is not bad but it could be when the person I'm correcting would take it as a destructive criticism.


Another bad habit is cramming. Oh God! I love cramming. Even if I have the time to make the papers, requirements and stuffs ahead of time, still, I cannot come up with anything. It had to be the night before or few days before (if the requirement is longer and more tedious). I tried writing papers the night it was given but I just stare blankly in the blinking cursor. In those times, I get tired of straining myself and almost always ends up in social networking sites. lol.


Bad habits. Bad habits.


I have a habit of leaving the stuffs I used behind. If I change clothes, I would leave the clothes behind. It's not being mean, I don't know. It's like automatic or something. Totally unintentional. I have a messy room but once in a while, I get the feeling of wanting to clean up and so I do and halfway through it, I get tired and become lazy to finish it all. The good thing is that I can command myself to finish it but in a hasty manner so the end product isn't much appealing. haha.


Ooh! and I also love planning! I have great plans!! Really brilliant ones. The problem is implementation. I just don't know why I can't seem to implement my life-changing plans. lol.


Burdens. Okay. So, I'm quite confused. What exactly is meant by "burden" in this context? For this blog, I would assume that this "burden" meant the things that are currently bothering me. So here it goes. I'm worrying about my performance as a parent to my kid. He could be a pain in the ass sometimes and I wonder if I can make him the man he's supposed to be. Oh God help me. It's really hard to be a parent. All the emotional circus can make someone doubt themselves. I always ask myself if what I'm doing is right or am I good enough?.. Things like that. It's hard knowing that you are responsible for someone else's life.. It's scary. I just hope and pray that I would have the strength and wisdom to guide not only my son, but also myself in this life's journey. Happy Birthday, Jieshua. :) Mommy loves you to pieces! ♥ I will blog about his birthday blahs tomorrow evening or the following day 'cause we still have some celebrating to do. :) Good night! 

I AM A TEENAGE MOM, SO WHAT? (April 10, 2011)

I wonder why people constantly struggle to find faults in others. What is wrong with a person who tries her very best to reclaim her worth by doing the things she should have done before she got pregnant at 17? At least she's trying to do something right out of her "wasted" life. People love to just scrutinize and judge and say whatever they want to say without looking at their own little pathetic world and the stains that go with it. We are all sinners so please save yourself the effort of trying to appear fucking squeaky clean because we are all tainted with sins. You've got to be fucking kidding me if you'd say that you are better than me. No one is in the position to look down on anyone. UNLESS YOU ARE GOD, which I doubt you are. Why don't people just be happy and proud for others. Why do they have to always always do something to make others miserable. What good do they get out of it? I am so angry and disheartened at the same time. I guess this is the price I have to pay for being so darn careless and being HUMAN ENOUGH to stand up for my mistakes and actually bring to life an untimely child. People could hate me all they want and judge me all they want for being a teenage mom and call me names and all the labels they could think of but I swear on my life and on my child's life that I will go places. WATCH ME.  

Like a boss, ya'll. ( April 02, 2011)

I am doing an event for Schwarzkopf Professional. The preparation was done today. Color, pre-cut and sorts were done. I was hesitant at first to do this since they changed my look from being the "after-sex look" to the "Nienka look". I was scared that my hair would be tampo and might not grow back after the cut. I really have long hair and the cut will be like SUPER short or so I thought. :)

This is my pre-haircut look. :)

 We started the day with fitting of clothes. :) I'm really really stick-thin. And sometimes it becomes more of a problem than a blessing. The dress that was supposed to be worn along with my hair was super SUPER SUPER loose. I think that three people could fit pa inside while I'm wearing those. So, they had to change it. My clothes are really nice but I wouldn't disclose information first. :)) Just the shoes nalang. I love the shoes I'm going to wear. They are the nicest nicest boots. :) They're grey in color and they're oh so comfortable! I could wear them forever, even while I'm sleeping! lol.

For the hair, we started with lighteners(?) that made us look like blondes or something. Basta the color was really cool. They called me Fil-Am (the ampon kind of FIl-Am) haha. :)) 

this is ces and bobbhie.. 

and this is bobbhie and liezel..

After the lighteners, wehad our individual colors already. :) YEY! 

I had three colors (copper [?], red and black) 

THIS'S MY SHIT YA'LL!!

This is our final look with our very inspired, creative hairdresser, R2 Tolentino. 

This is my hair when worn in a semi-pony. :))

and this is me with my ever ever supportive boyfriend, fiance, Rob. 

LIKE A BOSS, YA'LL. 

I think you deserve this ( December 05, 2010)

You deserve a thank you, a sorry and an "I love you".

For all the things you did for me, I think a thank you should be in order. You have given me so much. I never thought that someone would care enough for me like you did. I wanna apologize for the things I did or never did that caused you pain, caused both of us pain. God knows how much I love you. I love you more than I ever loved anyone. And I wanted you to know that I never regretted fighting for us. You changed me in lots of ways. Thank you for teaching me the value of family and trust, of friends and loved ones. For teaching me that dreams are meant to be chased. And that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. Thank you for believing in me. Sorry that it had to be this way. I never thought that this thing will ever end. Apparently, it did. And as I write this, I would be ending a relationship that has been very special to me. A relationship that I thought I would forever hold. I am good yet you deserve better. I hope I will leave memories that will be forever be embedded in your heart. This ending also means a new beginning for both of us. Me love you still. ♥ But here comes goodbye.

define LABO (March 30, 2011)

Tonight, it came into my room without warning, without mercy. I thought it was something I have been able to abandon, diminish, forget long long ago. But it's here - evident more than ever. I tried escaping yet it immensely strong and there was nothing left to do but cry.

I'm sorry if I'm opening a disconnected issue now. My intellect doesn't work very well these days. I've been in three reports yesterday (One defense for a research proposal, One group report for my Afroasian class about the text "In the Grove" by Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and one group report for my Field Study) and One defense again today for my Language Curriculum class. There are 5 more minor papers to do, 2 more major papers. One report in Political Science and one final exam in Assessment of learning (that includes Statistics. /wrist). So don't think that Educ course is easy or chill. It's not at all. :|

I read the literary text "A Temporary Matter" by Jhumpa Lahiri. I was saddened by the story because it poses a reality that any relationship - no matter how perfect it may seem - could fall apart due to few mishaps. People change. Feelings change. What makes us so sure that we won't? After all, we can't be in all be in the same place as we were. Let's just hope & pray really really hard that who we are tomorrow is a better version of who we are today and that those people that we'd love to keep would hang in there and wait til we're done chasing our dreams because after all, after all those dreams, it's with them we'll want to go home to.