my life without you

Picturing my life without you is scary. Seeing it like a movie is terrifying. :|

I had a weird dream last night. It was plain and simple, really. It showed my "future" I saw myself old, happy and married...to another man. When I woke up, I was really scared. I was unsure of how I felt. Imagine having your future ahead of you shown to you like some boring movie. It sucks. Maybe that's why God made the future unknown because it sucks to know what tomorrow brings. It's like being helpless, like surrendering to what is bound to happen. It's like playing a role in a drama. You only get to do what's written in the script. :( I hate how it feels. :( I wanted a life with you and only with you. :(

cause you're bound to do great things..

“In his pursuit of the dream, he was being constantly subjected to tests of his persistence and courage. So he could not be hasty, nor impatient. If he pushed forward impulsively, he would fail to see the signs and omens left by God along his path.”

-The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

I've been feeling emo and alone. :( I feel like a zombie. Maybe it's the hormones, maybe it's not. All I know that everything is falling apart. I just want keep moving forward so I can finally leave this phase. I want to believe that I am being tested just because I am bound to do great things. I'm holding on to that tiny grain of faith that somehow, it will all work out well. I remember picking out from a basket of "God's words" in our school chapel a few weeks ago and it says "GOD HAS CHOSEN YOU TO DO HIS WORK." And if all these are for the fulfillment of God's plan, then I have no right to complain. I just need to pray even harder and trust even more. God has chosen me and for that alone, I should be thankful.

love is never easy.

It's been so long since we've been together. So long that we already lost track of how long it has been. We don't count how many years and months already.. All we know is that every 14th of the month, we celebrate our monthsary and we always fight whenever it's about to come. I know we never do that on purpose. I know how much we love each other. What I do not know is what the future holds for us. We've been together for so long yet we still are adjusting a lot of stuffs. There are things that we need to change. I don't want to be cheesy and all. I just want to let you know that I almost gave up this time and you know that. :| I'm sorry. If it wasn't for you making me realize that we need each other in our lives, maybe at this point in time, I would be curled in my bed, crying in silence and the pillow would be my only friend. Things get out of hand and words can hurt like hell. We've said things that we never meant and I would like to apologize for my carelessness. I doubted your feelings, your love but you've proven to me that you are standing by your promise that you will love me no matter what. People always comment about how mabait you are whenever they meet you. So that always makes me the evil one. Maybe most of the time I am but you know naman how much I love you and how hard I try to change my ways. I want to spend more seconds, minutes, hours, days, months and years with you. And to do that, we should, ironically, have less time together for us to be able to achieve what we need to achieve. You will always be my inspiration, my partner, my critic, my savior, my love and everything else in between. I love you so much Rob! :) And on our monthsary, I'll let the world know how lucky I am to have you and to help them never lose hope that someday, someone out there would be the Robinson to their Jhay. ♥ Love is never easy. Love is a lot of hardwork and patience and compromise. Love is never giving up on your partner. I love you Rob. Thank you for not giving up on me this time. ♥ Always and Forever.

thank you for this!

always and forever.

how we spent our halloween

Yesterday, Jieshua got into an accident. I was sleeping up until noon when I heard frantic shouts. I was awakened and I rushed downstairs to see that my baby's lip and chin was filled with blood. I was scared but of course I cannot show my fear to my crying and panicking kid. I did what I had to. I washed his wounds to see if there was any missing tooth and to see where the wounds really are. When it was washed, I saw his lower lip is busted and his chin was scraped. Not only that! He also had scrapes in his left knee and a bump on his forehead. What a disaster!

He told me that he was running really fast and he looked at his back to see if his playmates are behind him. When he looked in front, he bumped into a rough wall, fell to the ground, stood up and went home crying while covering his severely bleeding lip.

it looks a lot scarier in real life!!

After doing the first aid for his wounds, I was practically bored all afternoon. Then night came, I was still bored. We didn't have anything planned so I took the camera and shot away!

here's a photo of me.

a photo of me and my injured little darling

goofy and fun! :)

a vampire or a butterfly? lol

Jieshua had no costume whatsoever. So he wore my butterfly wings. lol. He kinda looked like a vampire with his bloody lips but he has got butterfly wings. So that makes him ... a butterfly vampire? lol. 

I just wanted to eat spaghetti and so my mama cooked it for dinner. I ate dinner with my fragile little monster. I had to feed him the spaghetti with utmost care or else, I would end up hurting his lower lip wound.

I was ready to settle as a real couch potato in front of the tv when Rob came! Yey! He made me so happy! He said he feels mad seeing Jieshua's wounds. He talked to him about not being too malikot to avoid getting those kinds of injuries. :| This is the second time he's been severely hurt due to his activities. The first one was during the New Year's Eve this year. He got himself a deep cut on his chin. 

new year's eve wound

Anyway, here's Rob and I in love. ♥

I hope Jieshua gets better soon. I hope love will flourish. I hope we'll all have a great sweet November. Christmas is almost here!! Yay!