Day 15 | My dreams

I have a lot of dreams. When I was young, I wanted to be lawyer but now, I don't want it anymore because it's too political for me. As of the moment, one of my dreams and one of the most immediate ones is graduating! I have three more terms left and if all went well and God allows it, I would graduate June next year. :) YEEEYY!! I dream of becoming a flight attendant just recently because of my cousin being one. :) haha. I heard the money is good and I can travel *FOR FREE*. (another YEEEEYYYY!!!) But sometimes I think that I want to stay in school a little bit longer. I want to pursue further studies because above anything else, (I must admit that) it's the best that I do. I love going to school and sometimes I hate the workload and quizzes but I love being in school. I don't know if I indeed chose the right path when I put "Education major in English" as my undergrad degree in college but it seems that it is rightfully unfolding now. I still don't know which path to take or if I would be fit to be an FA or if being a teacher or professor is my true calling. I still don't know. God knows how much thinking I'm putting into this.It's quite confusing. But oh well. I cannot decide now because that belongs to my future. For now, I will enjoy studying and hanging out with friends and cramming! haha. :) I'll enjoy the thrill of wearing short shorts. I love violating the dress code! But I love my school. haha. ANIMO Lasalle! :)

Oh, it's our centennial celebration on June 16, 2011. Join us. 

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.

I should repeat this mantra over and over again. We should count our blessings but sometimes (or often), we forget the great things in our lives and see just the ones that are missing. :( God help me see the things I cannot see. Help me know that I may not have everything but I am lucky to not have nothing.. I wish I could be a monk or a hermit, who doesn't care about worldly possessions. :| grrrr. 

I make lame titles so yeah...

I am downloading stuffs from the internet and I decided to play with photobooth. :))
I look stupid. well, I am.
These are my photos. :)))

Austin Jieshua's weekend birthday! :)

Four years ago, on the 21st day of May, I was painstakingly enduring a premature labor in Makati Medical Center. I was 8 months pregnant then. That was a week after my false labor in which my OB Gyne told me that my baby might not survive if I deliver it within the month. I was scared to death upon knowing that I was 8cm already when I arrived at the hospital. It was scary for two reasons. One, I don't know if I am indeed ready to be a mother at the tender age of 17 and two, because no one knows if the baby would survive. I was brought to the labor room wherein they injected something somewhere near my spine. I was about to embark in epidural delivery. After 15 hours of wicked labor, I gave birth to a 4.15 pound baby boy. It was 11:12am then. All I my senses could recognize is the cry of a quite noisy baby and the stitches being done to me. It was a normal delivery and I had a normal baby. He was tiny and loud for his size. He was brought closer to me and the moment is just priceless! I don't know why but I suddenly burst out in tears. All the hardships and pain was worth it. 

fresh with his umbilical cord! :)

Past forward to present. I have a young healthy boy (although hospitalized twice. One for pneumonia when he was three weeks old and another for gastroenteritis when he was about a year and a half).

And he's about to enter school as a nursery student. Oh. I have a BIG BOY now! :)

On his actual birthday, we celebrated it at home. Daddy Rob came around lunch to give Jieshua his gift..

that's our good morning look. :)

gifts from daddy!

Make a wish!

On the following day, we spent the night playing at Tom's World and eating at Jack's Loft.

yeah baby! Lottery winners! 200+ tickets. 

Jack's Loft!

Warm Choco something? :)

happy birthday love! :*

eat some more!

Our baby with batman! 

Day 14 | Bad habits and burdens

Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into but hard to get out of.

-Proverbs

I guess this one is hard. We are usually unaware of our habits especially the bad ones. But in this case, I'll try really really hard to think of those. Hmm.


So, the first one that got into my head is that I tend to correct people's grammar. I'm not that intelligent or something but I study English and Linguistics so I may have a little knowledge about that especially the basics. I know that this is not bad but it could be when the person I'm correcting would take it as a destructive criticism.


Another bad habit is cramming. Oh God! I love cramming. Even if I have the time to make the papers, requirements and stuffs ahead of time, still, I cannot come up with anything. It had to be the night before or few days before (if the requirement is longer and more tedious). I tried writing papers the night it was given but I just stare blankly in the blinking cursor. In those times, I get tired of straining myself and almost always ends up in social networking sites. lol.


Bad habits. Bad habits.


I have a habit of leaving the stuffs I used behind. If I change clothes, I would leave the clothes behind. It's not being mean, I don't know. It's like automatic or something. Totally unintentional. I have a messy room but once in a while, I get the feeling of wanting to clean up and so I do and halfway through it, I get tired and become lazy to finish it all. The good thing is that I can command myself to finish it but in a hasty manner so the end product isn't much appealing. haha.


Ooh! and I also love planning! I have great plans!! Really brilliant ones. The problem is implementation. I just don't know why I can't seem to implement my life-changing plans. lol.


Burdens. Okay. So, I'm quite confused. What exactly is meant by "burden" in this context? For this blog, I would assume that this "burden" meant the things that are currently bothering me. So here it goes. I'm worrying about my performance as a parent to my kid. He could be a pain in the ass sometimes and I wonder if I can make him the man he's supposed to be. Oh God help me. It's really hard to be a parent. All the emotional circus can make someone doubt themselves. I always ask myself if what I'm doing is right or am I good enough?.. Things like that. It's hard knowing that you are responsible for someone else's life.. It's scary. I just hope and pray that I would have the strength and wisdom to guide not only my son, but also myself in this life's journey. Happy Birthday, Jieshua. :) Mommy loves you to pieces! ♥ I will blog about his birthday blahs tomorrow evening or the following day 'cause we still have some celebrating to do. :) Good night! 

I AM A TEENAGE MOM, SO WHAT? (April 10, 2011)

I wonder why people constantly struggle to find faults in others. What is wrong with a person who tries her very best to reclaim her worth by doing the things she should have done before she got pregnant at 17? At least she's trying to do something right out of her "wasted" life. People love to just scrutinize and judge and say whatever they want to say without looking at their own little pathetic world and the stains that go with it. We are all sinners so please save yourself the effort of trying to appear fucking squeaky clean because we are all tainted with sins. You've got to be fucking kidding me if you'd say that you are better than me. No one is in the position to look down on anyone. UNLESS YOU ARE GOD, which I doubt you are. Why don't people just be happy and proud for others. Why do they have to always always do something to make others miserable. What good do they get out of it? I am so angry and disheartened at the same time. I guess this is the price I have to pay for being so darn careless and being HUMAN ENOUGH to stand up for my mistakes and actually bring to life an untimely child. People could hate me all they want and judge me all they want for being a teenage mom and call me names and all the labels they could think of but I swear on my life and on my child's life that I will go places. WATCH ME.  

Like a boss, ya'll. ( April 02, 2011)

I am doing an event for Schwarzkopf Professional. The preparation was done today. Color, pre-cut and sorts were done. I was hesitant at first to do this since they changed my look from being the "after-sex look" to the "Nienka look". I was scared that my hair would be tampo and might not grow back after the cut. I really have long hair and the cut will be like SUPER short or so I thought. :)

This is my pre-haircut look. :)

 We started the day with fitting of clothes. :) I'm really really stick-thin. And sometimes it becomes more of a problem than a blessing. The dress that was supposed to be worn along with my hair was super SUPER SUPER loose. I think that three people could fit pa inside while I'm wearing those. So, they had to change it. My clothes are really nice but I wouldn't disclose information first. :)) Just the shoes nalang. I love the shoes I'm going to wear. They are the nicest nicest boots. :) They're grey in color and they're oh so comfortable! I could wear them forever, even while I'm sleeping! lol.

For the hair, we started with lighteners(?) that made us look like blondes or something. Basta the color was really cool. They called me Fil-Am (the ampon kind of FIl-Am) haha. :)) 

this is ces and bobbhie.. 

and this is bobbhie and liezel..

After the lighteners, wehad our individual colors already. :) YEY! 

I had three colors (copper [?], red and black) 

THIS'S MY SHIT YA'LL!!

This is our final look with our very inspired, creative hairdresser, R2 Tolentino. 

This is my hair when worn in a semi-pony. :))

and this is me with my ever ever supportive boyfriend, fiance, Rob. 

LIKE A BOSS, YA'LL. 

I think you deserve this ( December 05, 2010)

You deserve a thank you, a sorry and an "I love you".

For all the things you did for me, I think a thank you should be in order. You have given me so much. I never thought that someone would care enough for me like you did. I wanna apologize for the things I did or never did that caused you pain, caused both of us pain. God knows how much I love you. I love you more than I ever loved anyone. And I wanted you to know that I never regretted fighting for us. You changed me in lots of ways. Thank you for teaching me the value of family and trust, of friends and loved ones. For teaching me that dreams are meant to be chased. And that I AM GOOD ENOUGH. Thank you for believing in me. Sorry that it had to be this way. I never thought that this thing will ever end. Apparently, it did. And as I write this, I would be ending a relationship that has been very special to me. A relationship that I thought I would forever hold. I am good yet you deserve better. I hope I will leave memories that will be forever be embedded in your heart. This ending also means a new beginning for both of us. Me love you still. ♥ But here comes goodbye.

define LABO (March 30, 2011)

Tonight, it came into my room without warning, without mercy. I thought it was something I have been able to abandon, diminish, forget long long ago. But it's here - evident more than ever. I tried escaping yet it immensely strong and there was nothing left to do but cry.

I'm sorry if I'm opening a disconnected issue now. My intellect doesn't work very well these days. I've been in three reports yesterday (One defense for a research proposal, One group report for my Afroasian class about the text "In the Grove" by Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and one group report for my Field Study) and One defense again today for my Language Curriculum class. There are 5 more minor papers to do, 2 more major papers. One report in Political Science and one final exam in Assessment of learning (that includes Statistics. /wrist). So don't think that Educ course is easy or chill. It's not at all. :|

I read the literary text "A Temporary Matter" by Jhumpa Lahiri. I was saddened by the story because it poses a reality that any relationship - no matter how perfect it may seem - could fall apart due to few mishaps. People change. Feelings change. What makes us so sure that we won't? After all, we can't be in all be in the same place as we were. Let's just hope & pray really really hard that who we are tomorrow is a better version of who we are today and that those people that we'd love to keep would hang in there and wait til we're done chasing our dreams because after all, after all those dreams, it's with them we'll want to go home to. 

I want to go to...

Well, I've been having this urge to want to travel this summer. But, I wasn't able to go further than Quezon Province for Holy Week! I've been waiting for promos in airlines and packages or whatever but there's always a problem. I stumbled upon THIS .... and I badly want to go. But I'm sure I cannot. So, all my travel fantasies would have to wait after graduation. I will get there someday. I will travel. I will go places. I will because I can. :) I know that these things can wait and these things are going to be achieved. I know. I believe. :) I want to be optimistic and positive about things from now on.. because after all, The Universe will conspire. ♥

We can have it all. You just can't have it all at once.

- Oprah

Day 13 | A regular day in my home

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to.

- John Ed Pearce

This summer, I kinda been living a bum's life. I'm always at home except on rare occasions that I have somewhere to go to. But that's really rare. I usually wake up at around noontime and by that time, everyone else has done something. My papa had left for his office already. Mama did house stuffs already. My brother has successfully sneaked into my room, got my laptop and used it to play Galaxy Online already. Jieshua has already played and would probably be watching TV. Rob would have texted me a lot already. I would go down and eat and reply to text messages, then take a bath. After that, I would use my laptop or sleep. :) In liate afternoon, I would shut down the laptop, wait for dinner. Sometimes, I cook dinner if I'm feeling great. :) lol. At around 7-8pm, Rob arrives from work. We eat together. Then hang out a bit, talk, laugh.. Then at around 10pm or 11, he leaves. Then I get ready to face the laptop again and people around the house would be asleep but I'll be on my laptop til 3 at the earliest or until the sun is up. :| That's why I'm so thin nowadays. :| 

Don't worry school will be back on Wednesday next week and that means my body clock will be changed drastically. I'm not sure if that's a good thing. :P

THE (SCIENTIFIC) DEATH OF JESUS

THE (SCIENTIFIC) DEATH OF JESUS

For the next 60 seconds, set aside whatever

You're doing and take this opportunity! Let's see if Satan

Can stop this.

THE

(SCIENTIFIC) DEATH OF JESUS

At the age of 33,

Jesus was condemned to death .

At the time

Crucifixion was the "worst" death. Only the worst

Criminals were condemned to be crucified. Yet it was

Even more dreadful for Jesus, unlike

Other criminals condemned to death by

Crucifixion Jesus was to be nailed to the

Cross by His hands and feet.

Each nail

Was 6 to 8 inches long.

The nails

Were driven into His wrist. Not

Into His palms as is commonly

Portrayed. There's a tendon in the wrist that

Extends to the shoulder. The Roman guards knew

That when the nails were being hammered into the

Wrist that tendon would tear and

Break, forcing Jesus to use His back

Muscles to support himself so that He could

Breath.

Both of His feet

Were nailed together. Thus He was forced to

Support Himself on the single nail that

Impaled His feet to the cross. Jesus could

Not support himself with His legs because of the pain

So He was forced to alternate between arching His

Back then using his legs just to continue to

Breath. Imagine the struggle, the pain, the

Suffering, the courage.

Jesus endured this

Reality for over 3 hours.

Yes,

Over 3 hours! Can you imagine this kind of

Suffering? A few minutes before He died,

Jesus stopped bleeding. He was simply pouring water

From his wounds.

From common images

We see wounds to His hands and feet and even the spear wound

To His side... But do we realize His wounds

Were actually made in his body. A hammer

Driving large nails through the wrist, the feet overlapped

And an even large nail hammered through the arches, then a

Roman guard piercing His side with a spear. But

Before the nails and the spear Jesus was whipped and

Beaten. The whipping was so severe that it tore the

Flesh from His body. The beating so horrific that His

Face was torn and his beard ripped from His face. The

Crown of thorns cut deeply into His scalp. Most men

Would not have survived this torture.

"

He had no more blood

To bleed out, only water poured from His

Wounds.

The human adult body contains about 3.5 liters

(just less than a gallon) of blood.

Jesus poured all 3.5

Liters of his blood; He had three nails hammered into His

Members; a crown of thorns on His head and, beyond

That, a Roman soldier who stabbed a spear into His

Chest..

All these without

Mentioning the humiliation He suffered after carrying His own

Cross for almost 2 kilometers, while the crowd spat in his

Face and threw stones (the cross was almost 30 kg of weight,

Only for its higher part, where His hands were

Nailed).

Jesus had

To endure this experience, to open the

Gates of Heaven,

So that you can have free

Access to God.

So that your sins

Could be "washed" away. All of them, with no exception!

Don't ignore this situation.

JESUS

CHRIST DIED FOR YOU!

He died for you! It

Is easy to pass jokes or foolish photos by e-mail, but

When it comes to God, sometimes you feel ashamed to forward

To others because you are worried of what they may think

About you.

God

Has plans for you, show all your friends what He experienced

To save you. Now think about this! May God bless your

Life!

60

Seconds with God...

For the next 60

Seconds, set aside what you're doing and take

This opportunity! Let's see if Satan can stop

This.

All you have to do

Is:

1. Simply

Pray for the person who sent this message to

You:

2.Then, send this

Message to people.. The more the better.

3. People will

Pray for you and you will make that many people pray to God

For other people.

4. Take a

Moment to appreciate the power of God in your life, for

Doing what pleases Him.

If you are not

Ashamed to do this, please, follow Jesus' instructions.

He said (Matthew 10:32 & 33): "Everyone therefore

Who acknowledges me before others, I also will acknowledge

before My Father in heaven; but whosoever denies Me

before others, I also will deny before My

Father in heaven".

Day 12 | 10 things you didn't know about me

Here are ten things you probably didn't know about me..

1. I used to drink milk from feeding bottles up until the time my brother was born. I was 8 years old then. I was too old but I was an only child and I tend to get what I want so yeah..

2. I am a such a coward when it comes to ghosts and other paranormal stuffs. When I was young, I would cry even to the wimpiest ghost story. Up until now, I would be all paranoid whenever I watch scary movies, suspense movies and even lame ones can make me paranoid. I kid you not.

3. I have a lot of insecurities. I used to hate my eyes because it's too big and I was too thin. I hated how my nose is big for my face and that my skin is not fair enough and that my boobs are too small. :( But as I've grown, I've realized that these things are inevitable and there's always be someone who's prettier than me so I might as well learn to appreciate what I have.

4. I had braces. My permanent canine teeth never came out so I had gaps in the spaces where they should have grown. So to get rid of those spaces, I had braces for 3 years and 5 months. I also think that I have Jaw Joint Dysfunction. This is when my jaw makes clicking or cracking noise whenever I yawn too wide. I haven't consulted a doctor for it yet. I may not at all. :)

5. I am a sucker for love stories, romantic shiz and all that. I'm a girl. What do you expect? :)

6. I love school. Not necessarily studying but I love being in school. I love the school vibe, the chaos of the crowd. Maybe I should be in school forever!!

7. I have three year old son. He's gonna be four years old on the 21st of this month. :) He's gonna be in school this June! :)

8. I have a bad temper. Sadly, I think I need to enroll on some anger management stuffs.

9. I love pets but hates cleaning them. I had dogs - nap nap and cassandra. They're both dead now. I have a hamster named Laney and a fish named Fish.

10. I love laughing. I always laugh with my friends, boyfriend and people around me. I'm easy to please. :)