Never say die

"Success is not final, Failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

-Winston Churchill

Looking back, I realized how much things have changed from four years ago. I was a lonely girl with a hazy future. Three years ago, I entered La Salle with a beaming heart and an innocent fear. Now, I will leave the same institution with a grateful heart and a Bachelor's Degree. This wouldn't be possible without God, who has continuously granted me what is just for me. He has given me strength to surpass all the challenges and has given me hope that things will fall into place. And it did! Thank you, God. Thank you!! Thank you!! 

I would like to thank my parents for being there to support me and reprimand me in times it was deemed necessary. I still didn't turn out that bad, did I? Thank you to my family and relatives who were there to help me through and has believed in me all the way. Even if I have given you so much reasons to doubt that I can finish this, you still had faith in me. Ate Lovely, Kuya Larky, Kuya Mark, Ate Lady, Angkong, Tita Tnaj, Ninong George and all my aunts and uncles and cousins. To my Ama, Tita Baby, Lolo Dingding and Lola Naring I hope you're all proud there in heaven.

To my bestfriend, Jayzelle Lim, who despite the distance, never ever let me feel that I am alone, thank you! You were always there to make sure that I felt secured. Forever kakampi! 

To my friends from way back in HS, thank you so much for keeping in touch and for being there for emergency meet-ups and accidental overnights just because. Especially the three of the "solid four" - Jenine Tan, Eda Chua and Alvin Sy. My mother-dear, Inay Anne Kristina Yiu, thank you. To my guy best friend, Noel Chua, thank you for all the truth you made me see. To my ninang Jelly Ong, my tol - Myka Ang and Kristel Almaden, Victoria Tomas, Joseph Ang, Kristine Borero and Jhoanna Ong. thank you all for the random advices, conversations and love. Thank you for reminding me that real friends are there to stay. My other friends, Antoinette Ysrael, Ahia Oliver Lim, Christian Sualog and other friends I have met. 

To my college partner-in-crime, Hniah Javelosa, who has made my college life completely insane and hilarious, thank you. My first-friend-ever-in-Lasalle, Kaye Garcia, my college English blockmate-friends-  Meg Tiffany Go, Aron Sotelo, Jan Ralph Nunez, Eugenie Tiu, Tenny Mendoza, Precious Cruz and of course, Mel Samarita! My korean friends - Eva Yang, Sunny Min, Paris Lee, Bianca Kim, Jisoo Kwon, Sophie Kwon and the rest of the boys and girls. I wouldn't forget the ever loving thesis partner, Kristine Joseph. And to all my DLSU friends from all over the campus. You guys are all awesome!

Of course to my thesis mentor and good friend, Sir Ariane Macalinga Borlongan, who became a PhD even before he turned 24 (if I'm not mistaken), thank you for the inspiration to go for the things we really want and seek greater knowledge. Thank you of course for the trips to churches. I am indeed blessed. 

My other professors who have made an impact in my life - Ms. Gina Ugalingan, Dr. Shirley Dita, Dr. Tina Parina, Dr. Joahna Mante, Mr. Victor Gojocco, Ms. Ivy Alejandro, Dr. Leah Gustilo, Ms. Pauline Castillo, Dr. Gerald Abergos, Mr. Kevin Navea, Dr. Marianne Gaerlan, Ms. Neslie Tan and Dr. Sterling Plata. You all made my college life meaningful. Also, to my HS teachers, who have helped me see the greatness in me - Mr. Rodel Fajardo, Ms. Babylyn Bautista, Ms. Precy Abriam, Mr. Marvin Sumalbag, Ms. Rhaych Manzon and Ms. Janice Vistan.

To the Goddess of Literary Criticisms and all of Literature (for me), Ms. Antonette Talaue-Arogo, thank you for inspiring me and challenging me. You are my idol in terms of Literature! :)

Thank you to my one and only Robinson, who gave me so much inspiration. Thank you for the constant understanding and support that you've unconditionally given. For the wonderful moments and babies. Thank you for making me see that life is worth it. It will all be well, bhie, in God's perfect time. 

Thank you to all those who are genuinely happy that I have achieved this. I cannot thank you enough for the faith, support and prayers. 

The title is a reminder that things are not permanently damned, there's always a way, and if there's none, then make one. I hope I have become an inspiration to all especially to teenage mothers out there. There is light after a dark night. Make your dreams happen. Cheers!

you can only take so much

I haven't been able to blog lately cause I went back to school already and there is so much catching up to do.

I'm ecstatic of how my professors and also the admin is giving me consideration. :) Thank you. I will definitely pay it forward. Ü


I had my retreat last Feb 04-05 in Mornese Center of Spirituality, Calamba , Laguna (where my friends mocked me on how I pronounce Calamba). They pronounce it like really fast and I pronounce it like how you usually pronounce English words. haha.

Anyway, the point of a retreat is to communicate with God or at least be away from everything else so you could think things through.

And I did that! I prayed really hard as I was really going through a lot of emotional turmoil.

But I didn't quite have any definite, concrete solution after that. I didn't arrive at anything. I was exactly in the same place where I was.

I was feeling hopeless and depressed.

But I just held on, thinking that it gets better by the day..

It doesn't.

But I had to believe that the sun will shine again one day.

Hope is the only thing that would keep me from taking a leap from the 21st floor of Andrew building.

Trust me, I am in the most unlikely situation right now.

Every aspect of my life is tragically falling apart but I am holding on and hoping for a brighter tomorrow because I know that this too shall pass.

Now, I feel better.

watch this

Inspiring video

just a new york quarter

Last saturday, I was surprised to find this in my wallet.
Must have been from the jeepney I rode. Ü

Sosyal na ba the Philippines???

HAHAHAHA. :)

hi purple balloon

Cause we're bored as f-ck, we did this.

Rob first drew Jieshua on this purple balloon. ☺

Next, I drew Rob on this balloon.

Finally, Jieshua drew Jielaena.

with gloves and all. haha. 

He was about to draw me but decided to just draw Jielaena instead.

It was fun. Nobody drew me but fun nevertheless.

What fun activities do you do with your loved ones?

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how it all happened

Consummatum Est
(it has been done)


OUR BABY IS HERE!!!

How did it all happen? It's just the 34th week. Due date is February 10, 2012, right?

January 6-7, 2012

Rob came to my house after his classes. It was unusual since he wouldn't really go to my place on Fridays. He told me he'd sleep there that night.

It was fine. And we hung around for the night.

At 11:20pm, my tummy started aching. I've been having false labors so I was thinking that was another one. The pain kept coming back every 5 minutes.

We were worried cause consistency means it might be the real deal. 

At around 2am, the pain was intense and the interval became every 3 minutes. :| 

Rob said we should go to the hospital. 

I was having labor pains but I don't want to look pale or dead so I wore make up.

Rob was irritated that I had the time to put make up on such an emergency.

He grabbed my bag which was prepared beforehand and then literally stuffed it with all the other things we thought we needed just in case I was really about to give birth.

We were accompanied by our friend, Joseph, to the hospital. Thank you, seph! :)

Inside the cab, I was contracting like mad.

On Rob's version of the story, he said that I was screaming.

Let me clarify that I WAS NOT SCREAMING!! Not like the kind that we see in movies and tv shows. I was in pain but I was not hysterical. 

When we arrived at the hospital, I can barely even walk because of the pain.

We rushed inside the emergency room and waited for my ob-gyne to arrive cause we already called her earlier. 

The contractions were not stopping anymore and it was so painful.

I mean REALLY, REALLY PAINFUL.

My ob-gyne arrived, checked my cervix and told me that yes, I am about 8cm and about to give birth. I changed and was rushed to the delivery room. No need for labor room cause I am almost done with the labor. lol.

Inside the DR, I was panicking like shit. All the doctors and nurses kept telling me to relax cause it's adding tension to my contracting uterus. 

But I couldn't. I really couldn't. They had to inject something to make me relax and it worked like seconds after it was injected. Wonderful. Maybe I could use that when I'm really really mad. lol

But it didn't exactly end there. 

We had to wait for my cervix to "give in". My right cervix already did but the left wouldn't. So we had to wait.. 

While waiting...

the doctors were chit chatting, I was listening and waiting for the next hit of painful contraction.

Trust me when I say that when it did, I wish I could chop my entire abdomen and back off. 

They were really fond of me cause I was wearing make up. 

Even asked what mascara I'm wearing. :) 

We were also waiting for my water bag to break but it wouldn't so my ob-gyne had to pinch(?) it. I had no idea what she did and next thing I know, I'm hearing water splashing. 

She told me that after that, the contractions would be much more painful. 

And SHE WASN'T LYING!! THE CONTRACTIONS WERE HELL!!

This time around, I WAS SCREAMING, CRYING, BEGGING them to take the pain away. 

I was asking for an epidural but it was too late already. 

I was in DEEP PAIN. REALLY. 

Amidst the begging, crying, screaming, they told me to just push it out.

Not to scream. 

I stopped.

Not to push with my voice.

I stopped.

And when I did, she slipped out of my.. well, you know. It was a normal delivery.

I was sedated. But it took effect after I delivered my baby.

Last thing I remember was telling them I want to see my baby.

They did bring the baby to me but I was too groggy to remember.

But hey! We have a picture and I'm so gorgeous. hahaha.

\

SEE?? WITH THE EYELINER AND EVERYTHING! :)))

I woke up at around 7am, alone and still groggy. 

I called out to the nurse or whoever passes by but I would wake up and realize that I had passed out. HAHAHA. It happened several times until 9am.

My stitches were checked and finally I could be brought to my room. 

Rob was waiting there and we chit chatted for a while.

But then the effect of the meds were still there and all I did was....

Some friends came later that afternoon and night. 

Thank you friends!! ♥

My mom also came that afternoon but couldn't stay for the night.

Rob told me that the baby can't be brought to the room cause she is still being exposed to light. (Since she is born prematurely, she didn't have lines on her palms.)

So it was Rob and me all night and we were bored.. 

So I cleaned his face.. Lucky bastard! He should be cleaning mine!! haha

This is our baby in the nursery!! 

This is us on the way home..

Countless sleepless nights and sleep-filled days, nappy changes, painful breastfeeding, healing wounds and stitches, soup-filled diets later...

A week after that fateful day is our anniversary! *applause*

January 13-14, 2012

Rob came again on a Friday night but our Kuya Jieshua is not well. Good thing Jielaena is a really good girl. And she needed minimal tending.

Rob slept over. But we didn't have enough sleep cause we kept checking Jieshua's temperature and took care of him. 

The only time we had a straight sleep was from 7am-8:45am.

After that, we needed to get up and prepare cause I have an appointment with my ob-gyne and Jieshua has to be brought to the doctor. 

I feel so thin and light just a week after giving birth.

My only problem is my tummy which looks like housing baby fats.

I can remove this! haha.

Anyway, all is well with me and my reproductive system. 

After the check up, I needed to eat so..

We headed home cause I shouldn't be gallivanting plus the kids needed us. 

So, our anniversary day turned out to be a day for the family.

That's us after getting some zzzzz's all afternoon.

Some l♥ve time. :*

Dear Rob,

I know that I'm not exactly a good girl and I have flaws, a lot actually. I know that the past year has been tough for us. And I wasn't there to make it any easier. I'm sorry that you had to deal with my childish acts and immature decisions. But I'm happy that you did stick through it all and made me see what I ought to see.You have made me the person I am today. I changed in a lot of ways because of you, mostly positive. I was bad and always ready to pick a fight, not just with you but with anybody else who deserves it but you changed that. You tamed whatever was wild in me. I love you for making me feel that I deserve to be loved and cared for and that I am worthy of the things that I have and I want. You are a great person. I am so lucky to have you as my man, my friend, my best friend, my confidant, my protector, my comforter, my fiance. You will always have my heart. This year is going to be so great. The new chapter of our lives has begun and I swear to stick by your side and be your greatest supporter and lover. I love you so much. Here's to spending forever and ever with you. :*

Love, 
Jhay

david beckham for h&m

Perfect for Rob! hahahaah